Pokemon: Secrets Revealed!
by Galefire
Summary: Are you looking for an epic encyclopedia that will tell you all you need to know about the origin of Pokemon? Then look no further! This "detailed" story will give you an in-depth sight into a Pokemon's behaviour, backstory and description! All in numerical order! Collaboration with Puttylol. Parody of all Pokedex stories.
1. Chapter 1: The First Nine, Yo!

**Failfire and Pottylol here! those '_official_' professors are _so_ smart about Pokemon! WRONG. THEY BEEN TELLING YOU LIES! _WE_ are much more knowledgeable about Pokemon. Let_ US_ fill your head with the _TRUTH_!**

* * *

**#001 Bulbasaur**

**Appearance:** Some green dinosaur thingy with a plant on its back. As it's Japanese name would say, "Strange, isn't it?"

**Origin:** Well kids, let me take you back to the dawn of the dinosaurs. Bulbasaurs are omnivores, but they were too lazy to roam the world and hunt for food. And they were too lazy to find some plants to eat. A god took pity on these lazy creatures, and let a bulb grow on their back. The bulb takes in nutrients for it, and the Bulbasaur absorbs that stuff. Yummy.

**Behaviour:** They're lazy.

* * *

**#002 Ivysaur**

**Appearance:** A green dinosaur thing with a flower on it back. Quite girly.

**Origin:** After evolving, their bud bloomed into a pink and heavy flower. The flower is heavy, so Ivysaurs spend most of their time sitting and absorbing nutrients.

**Behaviour:** Still lazy.

* * *

**#003 Venusaur**

**Appearance**: A huge dinosaur thing with a gigantic flower on its back. Not recommended you try and remove that flower.

**Origin**: So the Bulbasaurs and Ivysaurs spend most of their time sitting and absorbing nutrients. Well guess where all that nutrient went? Venusaurs are much heavier and larger compared to its previous evolutions. Its huge flower has also grown a lot because of the nutrients. So Venusaurs aren't as lazy as the previous evolution and try to lose some weight by moving around a lot (reason why it learns Earthquake).

**Behaviour:** Not as lazy as it previous evolutions. Venusaurs are usually calm and don't get angry easily. BUT, YOU DO NOT WANT THIS THING TO SIT ON YOU. When it gets happy, it may try to cuddle with its trainer. Make sure you keep a good distance away from it when it tries to. Or else you'll be a pancake.

**Warnings about Bulbasaur line:** Venusaur may try and cuddle with you when it's happy. Don't let it, unless you can hold up things about 220 pounds. If you could, then you could become a Pokemon.

* * *

**#004 Charmander**

**Appearance**: A red lizard thing with a flame on its tail.

**Origin**: The insure company named Geico was getting doubts for people. To prove that their insurance was good, they sent their mascot, Geico, to drive a car that was going 9999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999 miles per hour (they borrowed it from Chuck Norris, obviously.) The car caught on fire, along with Geico. But no need to cry, Geico lived! He came out of the car, his reptilian body bright red, and with a never ending flame (unless in water, duh) on the edge of his tail. He also has the ability to spew fire. And Geico, the insurance company, keeps making more Geicos drive in cars lent by Chuck Norris to sell Charmanders to Professor Oak. Yeah, we're letting the world know what you're up to, Geico and Oak.

**Behaviour****:** They're very protective and will constantly offer you insurance. But you have to pay for it. Plus the Geico guys don't really care if you say you paid your Charmander money for their insurance. They won't do a thing. So don't give into the offer your Charmander makes.

* * *

**#005 Charmeleon  
**

**Appearance:** A red lizard, slightly bigger then Charmander with long sharp claws protruding from its paws.

**Origin:** Those claws aren't for show. Those claws are meant for MELONS (hence its name, CharMELeON). Geico/ Charmander found melons to be quite delicious and kept cutting them open, thus making their claws longer and sharper over time. They are found all over in melons cutting places.

**Behavior:**It's a bit more hot-headed then its previous evolution, most likely because you kept refusing its insurance. And it's a bit more boastful, because of its incredible melon cutting skills.

* * *

**#006 Charizard**

**Appearance:** A red dragon/lizard that's bigger than its previous evolutions, it now has wings and a longer neck.

**Origin:** The insurance company mascot turned Pokemon realized something. Air insurance. With that idea, he sprouted wings, just so there could be an air insurance branch for his company.

**Behaviour****:** If you actually pay your Charizard money for the insurance, you'll actually get air insurance from the if you pay more, all the insurance stuff they offer! But you don't really need because your Pokemon will always be there if something happens. And the Pokecenters are free, and will take care of injured trainers. Don't know why you would need insurance but you younglings are weird. Despite that fact, Charizards are very competitive with each other to make the most amount of people switch to their insurance.

**Warnings:**Charmanders and Charmeleons will rip you off if you say yes to their offer. Charizards technically won't, but we still think it's a rip off.

* * *

**#007 Squirtle**

**Appearance:** It is a turtle. It is blue.

o-o That is all.

**Origin:** Squirtle was a turtle. One day, it was walking one the side of the road, and some assmunch's car, going about 9999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999 miles per hour, sped by him, knocking over a random can of paint that was there and staining him blue. Try as he might, he could not wash the colour off, because the paint was somehow burned into his skin. Squirtle then started and entire species of blue turtles.

How does this work?

BECAUSE SCIENCE.

**Behaviour:** Squirtle's tend to think they are as cool as Charmanders, however, they really aren't. They enjoy quoting Star Trek.

**Warning:** DON'T explain the "Imma Squirtle on your Jiggypuffs" joke to your Squirtle, or they may end up going through an identity crisis.

* * *

**#008: Wartortle.**

**Description:** Badass Ninga warrior turtle, yo! Has freaking wings on the side of that bad-ass head, so it can soar like a bloody eagle!

**Note**: Don't throw your Wartortle off the side of a cliff thinking it can fly. It can't.

Speaking from experience.

**Origin**: Jealous of Geico/Charmander's success, Wartortle plotted evilly on how to destroy them, and became a TEENAGE MUTANT NINGA TURTLE! Unfortunately, this wasn't enough, and Geico is still standing strong.

**Behaviour**: Spazmatic and short tempered. Will flip out and try to kill the person closest to it whenever it spots a car. Likes peg legs.

* * *

**#09 Blastoise**

**Description**: Once again, just a huge turtle. But it's got guns coming out if it's back, so that's pretty hip.

**Origin**: After constantly being thrown off mountains, the wings fell off the sides of Wartortle's head, causing it to evolve into Blastoise! It uses the guns coming out of it's shell to knock Charizards out of the air. No longer a Ninga.

**Behaviour**: Still violent, but slightly less crazy. Blastoise love having tea with their owners, unless their owner owns a car.

**Warning for the Squirtle line**: DO NOT bring them near a highway, unless you want to start the apocalypse. Keep all Star Wars products out of eye sight.


	2. Chapter 2: The YOLO Swaggin' Bug Lines!

**Yo yo yo! Pottylol and Failfire up in dis house again! We da only Pokemon professors who know their stuff 'round this place! Today, were giving yo some BUGS. Enjoy, fools!**

**Failfire: Why were we talking like that? o-o**

**Pottylol: I love Ghetto people!~ :D**

* * *

**#010: Caterpie.**

**Description:** A small green caterpillar.  
That's really it.

**Origin:** Yo' think these are 'dose crawly wally type bugs? No, man, no. Yo' swaggin' 'bout this all wrong! These are COMPUTER bugs! Yo' heard me right! That why it's number's in BINARY! Some fools were fighin' 'bout the rights of them Pokemanz, when one of 'em dumped a bowl full of Ketchup an' Pickle chips, all ova' da computa'! And I was like "MAAAAAAN! These bugs be spillin' out everywhere!"

**Behaviour:** Caterpies tend to speak in binary, and have a tendency to hack into everything you own, and I mean EVERYTHING. They are extremely smart, and will spontaneously combust if they answer something wrong.

* * *

**#011: Metapod.**

**Description:** IT'S A POD, SUCKA!

**Origin:** You think the moves "harden" and "string shot" are only for inappropriate jokes? WRONG AGAIN, FOOL! These bugs, have just become a HARDdrive! You heard me right, they use those string shots to shoot out DATA! They've got such good range, some say they can send their DATA across the world!

**Behaviour**: They usually just sit around, being hard. Metapods tend to shoot their s-DATA around ten times a day. The DATA will kill you if you get hit by it.

* * *

**#012: Butterfree.**

**Description:** ...

It's a butterfly. o-o  
GENSURATION VUN VASS SOO ORGEENAL!

**Origin:** Metapod knew sitting around and being HARD, shooting it's DATA, was not going to get it anywhere if it didn't have SPEED. Well, it's now grown wings to fly across the internets, spreading POISON to all computers, PARALYZING them and forcing them to SLEEP.

**Behaviour:** They have an odd obsession with powder. Loves to eat turtles and purple toenails.

**Warnings about the Caterpie line:** DON'T let them near your computer.  
SERIOUSLY.

* * *

**# 013: Weedle**

**Description:** What do you get when you rip out the horn of some horned Pokemon and stick it onto a bug? A WEEDLE!

**Origin:** These creatures have anti-virus poison in their horns, so they're mission from some random company sent out to stop the Caterpie line from hacking and destroying all computers!

**Behaviour:** It will try and hit the swarming Caterpie line, but will likely miss cut they are so slow and small. So most of their time they are depressed cus they realize they ain't cool like that YOLO SWAGGING CATERPIE LINE!

* * *

**#014: Kakuna**

Description: Well, it's a yellow cocoons thing with eyes that match the ones of the devil.

**Origin:** Well metamorphosis. Duh.

Behaviour: Because it's immobile now, it's even more depressed it can't do anything to the Caterpie line except for glaring at them with its soulless eyes.  
Note: It's glaring is actually kind of scary. If you own one and keep it out, don't get too scared if you get this weird feeling that something is watching you… Cus something is.

* * *

**#015: Beedrill**

**Description:** It's a bee. With red devilish eyes. AND TWO GIGANTIC DRILLS FOR HANDS! The very spawn of pain itself…

**Origin:** Somehow, the creator of Pokemon thought it would be funny if they made a bee come out of a cocoon. It isn't.

**Behaviour:** That depression that the Kakuna had when it was, well, a Kakuna has been slowly building up over time into anger. And now that it's a Beedrill with GIGANTIC DRILLS FOR HANDS, it may get slightly aggressive with its drills that are filled with anti-virus poison and sting you. And it will hurt. Trust me. But still, its number one priority in life is to stop the swaggie Caterpie line. It does a much more successful job then its last two evolutions, but when it sees Butterfree in its beautifulness it gets depressed and emo.

**Warning about Weedle line:** It's VERY prone to depression. Also, there's a high chance of you getting stung.


	3. Chapter 3: THOSE FREAKING BIRDS

**YO YO YO! Us hommies back in da house! **

**Dus geniet van het hoofdstuk! Nam ons lang genoeg ...**

**Geniet!**

**Pottylol: What language was that? ._.**

**Failfire: All of them. ._.**

* * *

**#016: Pidgey**

**Description:** Uh…. It's…. well…. It's a bird, a brown bird…. I can give you that much….

**Origin:**

"Okay dudes!" Red yelled loudly, slamming his hands down on the random table that him and all the other future Dexholders were surrounding. "So that Sat… Sata…. Starurna guy, I don't know how to say his name, suggested that we, the epic Pokedex bros, all get together and think of a new Pokemon design or some sh*t! Why? Because his mind's all screwed up after he sniffed too much crack while thinking of Bulbasaur-"

"Red!" Lyra, who was on the other side of the table, exclaimed, looking horrified.  
"So he left that duty to us!" the black haired trainer finished, striking a random pose.  
"Whhhhhhhy?" Gold moaned, beating his head on the table. "My generation doesn't exist yet-et-et!" He sobbed fakely, face-desking over and over again.  
"Gold suck it up!" Lyra snapped.  
"That's what she said!" Barry cheered from the back of the room, earning a glare from both Dawn and Lucas, who were sitting on either side of him.  
Kyouhei blinked. "Hugh, what does 'that's what she said' mean?"  
"….F*CK YOU BARRY!" the pineapple haired trainer shouted.  
"No thanks~"  
"I HATE YOU SO-"  
"Dudes!" Red interrupted. "We're swagging off topic, yo! Foshizzle my drizzle!"  
"Red, you're not ghetto," Blue muttered.  
"Do go swagging on my style, fool! You KNOW this sh*t!"  
"Holy-"  
"I have an idea!" Leaf yelled excitedly, jumping up and down. "How about a trash bag Pokemon?"  
White snorted. "That's stupid."  
"You're stupid!"  
"OBJECTION!" Black jumped onto the table to her defence, leaping onto the table.  
"Wait," Mei grabbed the last sentence, staring at it in horror. "There are TWO Black's?! That's almost as bad as two Kyouhei's!"  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kyouhei asked.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kyouhei asked.  
"Oh what the f-"  
"OBJECTION OVERRULED!" Barry protested randomly.  
"That's it Barry," Lucas grabbed him by the arm, dragging him away. "We're going home."  
"NUUUU! I WANNA STAY!" he wailed, struggling.  
"Stop squirming."  
"But-"  
"No buts young mister! Now what do you have to say for yourself?"  
"Sorry daddy…"  
Dawn sighed, massaging her temples. "Why do I hang out with them?"  
"I-if you wouldn't mind…" Brendan spoke up quietly. "I have a suggestion…"  
"Shut up." Gold told him, casting him an annoyed glance. "Nobody likes you anyways."  
Brendan cast a sad glance down, knowing it was true.  
"YOU'RE ALL WRONG!" somebody shouted from the doorway.  
"There's nothing to be wrong about." Lyra had a 'WTF?' face on.  
"WHO DARES BASK IN MY PRESENCE?!" Red snapped, looking around the room.  
"I DO!" Out of the shadows, Silver emerged, looking confused at the random change in writing style. He staggered awkwardly, holding a carton go day-old eggnog.  
Lyra and Gold exchanged both knowing and wistful glances.  
"Dunsparce damn it." Gold muttered.  
"AHH! A FEMALE THING! MUST. BREAK. THINGS!" Black ran around the room, smashing into practically everything.  
Kyouhei stared at him for a moment, before joining in the spaz-party.  
"I THINK…" Silver attempted to slam his hands down on the table, but instead need up doing so onto Brendan's stupid hair, causing him to freeze in terror. ("My hair isn't stupid…" :C) "THAT THERE… SOULD BE A BIIIIRD POKEMON! SH*T ** BALLS!" He started twitching randomly.  
"Go home Silver," Lyra groaned. "You're drunk."  
"No…" Red looked thoughtful. "That's perfect!"  
Blue gave him a look. "Red, our generation already has ENOUGH bird Pokemon."  
"No," Red shook his head. "This is just what we need. But instead of one, lets make three, they all look the same, but lets just throw them together and call it an evolutionary line! ….Dawg."  
There was a pause.  
"SERIOUSLY?!" everyone questioned at once.  
And that's how Pidgey was created~!

**Behaviour:** Pidgey are very sensitive of their unoriginality, and will swarm you in flocks if you dare mention it. It's kinda like the chickens in Legend of Zelda, except slight more relevant and slightly less terrifying.

* * *

**#017: Pidgeotto.**

**Description**: Uh… Well, it's a bird….. That's bigger….. And a bird…..

I say again, GENSURATION VUN VASS SOO ORGEENAL!

**Origin:** You see kids, when a mommy bird and a daddy bird love each other very much…..

**Behaviour:** WARNING! These are gangsta birds! They so swaggin' YOLO ya' dun know what ta' do wit' 'dem!

Failfire: Swaggin' YOLO? ….That does even make sense.

PottyLOL: You wrote it. ._.

Failfire: …FU-

* * *

**#018: Pidgeot**

**Description:** …SCREW IT! I CAN'T DO THIS! YOU KNOW WHAT A BIRD LOOKS LIKE! *Curls up in corner, sobbing*

**Origin:** Depressed at how lame its former evolutions looked, it decided to make a change! By taking growth pills…. so it would grow bigger…..Even though Pidgeotto already did that….

….GIVE PIDGEOT A HAND, FLOKS!

**Behaviour:** Old. That's it. They just walk around with canes and play bingo.

Don't do drugs, kids.

* * *

**#019 Rattata**

**Appearance:** A purple mouse-like Pokemon with beady red eyes, buck teeth, and some smexy whiskers.

**Origin:** A LONNNGGG time ago, there were vampires. But one day, a new sparkly vampire was born: EDWARD CULLEN! Humans saw his sparkles which were SO sparkly, that they were no longer afraid of vampires. Instead, they found them to be stupid. Ashamed by the Edward Cullen and what humans thought of them, the other vampires ran to Mew for help.

Mew told them that it would change them into a creature human would be scared of with one condition; they could never turn back into a vampire, and they would lose all their vampire powers. The vampires agreed and Mew changed them into a Rattata.

So are Rattatas today vampires? Partially. In fact, 1/62 vampire. You see, with the sacrifice of vampire powers, also came the sacrifice of immortality. So the original Rattatas died, and each generation after them became less vampire. But they still have the red eyes (vampires have red eyes ,duh), the power of having a tan( you'll find out in the next portion) and the purpose of terrifying humans from their vampire ancestors.

So how do they try and terrify us now? BY ANNOYING US! They steal, and chew on practically everything they see. These guys terrify us as pests!

**Behavior:** If they could be summarized in one word, it would be: troll. That's why these former vampires turned Pokemon are so scary. They annoying the FREAK outta you! The only way to get them away from you is to get an Edward Cullen, throw sparkles at them, garlic ( they do whatever they can to get away from garlic), or do your Pokemon trainer thing.

* * *

**#20 Raticate**

**Appearance:** It's a fat rat with a gorgeous tan!

**Origin:** One of the traits that the Rattatas carried over from their ancestors are that they're sensitive to the sun. After an excessive amount of time in broad daylight, the Rattata's fur gets a tan! Then with all the vitamin D pulsing through their body, their muscles expand and they get fat, until they evolve into the Raticate! Now because of all the vitamin D, they're no long part vampire. Rather, they're a giant rat Pokemon with buck teeth. GENWUN WAS SO ORIGIANLZ LOLZ.

**Behaviour:** They still are annoying, but now they are like chewing monsters! Their teeth are HUGE. So huge, that they can't even fit in their mouths! So what they do is chew on stuff so their teeth don't overgrow. And they chew on everything. Especially your homes.

**Warning about the Rattata line:** They're annoying. If a group of them snuck into your house… well you're gonna be homeless soon if you don't get them out. Also, some Geico/Charmanders will often try and get a group of them to destroy your home so they can be like, "I told you to get my insurance!"

* * *

**#020:** Spearow.

**Description:** *Looks at Pidgeot entry, then bursts out crying*

**Origin:** APPARENTLY THE CREATORS OF POKEMON THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO MAKE JUST THOUSANDS OF FREAKING NORMAL TYPE BIRD POKEMON.

IT FREAKING WASN'T!

….Anyways, Spearow is a sparrow. It got its name because birds are stupid and people like to stab birds.

PottyLol: …That didn't really make much sense, Fai-

Failfire: I'M SO TIRED OF THIS CRAP! *Beats head on table*

**Behaviour:** Like me at the moment, Spearow's tend to have absolutely no idea what they're doing, which leads to them being manipulated into joining a team of ruthless assassins, thus, they evolve.

* * *

**#021: Fearow.**

**Description:** KILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKI LLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILL MEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLMEKILLME KILLMEKILLME…..

**Origin:** Because of their pure stupidity, I mean, cluelessness, some evil peoples tricked Spearow into joining their assassins group and stuff. Now, it has a long beak to literally REACH INTO YOUR STOMACH AND TEAR OUT YOUR LIVER.

Geico now has personal insurance for this stuff, if anyone ever needs to replace their liver.

Just saying.

**Behaviour:** Smarter then its previous evolution, Fearow is THE VERY EMBODIMENT OF FEAR ITSELF.

….What do you mean we already said that for Beedrill? That was PAIN, this is FEAR….Ow…

….There's a difference….


	4. Chapter 4: Snakes an' rodents

**Pottylol: Yo, yo, yo! Wassup hommey! Today we gonna-**

**Failfire: Can you stop being ghetto? ****_Please? _**

**Pottylol: No. I am physically unable to stop being ghetto. **

**Failfire: …..**

**Pottylol: …Fine…. *Clears throat* Howdy y'all! Today we buggars are going to bring you some jolly good readin', so yo better sit yo butt down and YOLO SWAG YOLO SWAG STARBUCKS STARBUCKS STARBUCKS! **

**Failfire: …..What even was that?**

**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00**

**#023: Ekans. **

**Description:** It's a purple snake….

Oh. Oh OH. You think it ends there? NO WAY SUCKAH. This snake's also got a yellow stripe. This could possibly be reminiscent of the common black and yellow striped pattern, meaning "dangerous". Buuttt, it's most likely just something the designers slapped on just to make it more "original".

PottyLol: That wasn't very funny….

Failfire: What are you taking about? Science is always funny!

*Cricket chirps*

Failfire: …Ah, screw you guys!

**Origin:** Once upon a time a snake was walking over a bridge, except the bridge wasn't a bridge because it was a dog. The dog then invited several pretty seagulls over to a dinner party, and the snake tagged along because the apocalypse was going on in the background because somebody brought their Blastoise to a Star Wars convention. The plot twist here is that the seagulls weren't pretty because beauty is only skin deep and I'm not sure what I meant by that because- WHAT THE F*CK AM I WRITING?

**Behavior:** Likes to play video games despite the fact it doesn't have hands. They say one day during a very annoying match of Mario Kart, arms sprouted out of Timmy the Ekans. Many lives were lost that day…..

* * *

**#024: Arbok. **

**Description:** This is also a snake, but it's like 50000000000x times more badass! It has a hood, to do….. Uh, hood things with! And long, terrifying fangs that it'll use to bite your head off. It's kinda like Edward Cullen, only it doesn't suck.

….

Geddit?

GEDDIT?

VAMPIRE? SUCK?

BWAHAHAHAHA-*Stabbed*

* * *

**Origin:** "And it's a good thing I played to much Assassin's Creed!~"

That's right. The reason for this evolution is because of over-exposure to the rare "Assassin's Creed Stone" only it had to be shortened to fit the character limit so it's merely referred to as the "AssAss Stone".

Subtle, I know.

You see, its fangs are actually hidden blades, only it didn't have to go through the painful procedure go having its finger cut off because…. It doesn't have… Fingers…..

*Cough*

It also used to have some epic black stripes on the back of its hood, but they stopped existing because god hates them.

**Behavior:** Arbok has a bit of a bad habit of killing your family. It's kind of off putting…. But aside from that, these things make the perfect pet! Buy one today and get a free Cyanide pill!

….

…Wait, what are those looks for?

Oh. Your expecting me to make a joke about the whole "name reversal thing".

Well I'm not going to. Because I have a LOT more class then th-LOLLOLOL MUK BACKWARDS IS K*M! LOLOLOL HAHAHAHAHA-

* * *

**#25: Pika-F*CK! **

This is the moment I've been waiting for many, many years….

Finally, I don't need to keep this secret hidden inside me, hidden underneath my collection of Silver voodoo dolls and Yugioh cards….

Pikachu… SUCCCCKKKKKKKKKSSSSSS.

OH DON'T YOU DARE CLOSE THIS. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY PIKACHU IS TERRIBLE?!

BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE NEVER EVOLVE IT.

NO. I'M NOT KIDDING. I COULD IGNORE PIKACHU IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK IT'S JUST THE GREATEST F*CKING THING EVER?

WELL GUESS WHAT? EVERYTIME YOU DON'T EVOLVE A PIKACHU, A RAICHU PEES ITSELF WITH DEPRESSION.

DO YOU WANT THE WORLS TO BE FLOODED WITH PEE?!

DO YOU?!

Pottylol: Failfire….

WHAT'S WORSE, CLEFAIRY WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE THE MASCOT OF POKEMON. BUT THIS LITTLE PEICE OF HORSE-CRAP HAD TO WALK UP AND STEAL IT'S SPOTLIGHT!

Pottylol: FAILFIRE.

LOOK AT CLEFAIRY'S BASE STAT TOTAL, NOW LOOK AT PIKACHU"S. SADDLY, PIKACHU'S BASE STAT TOTAL IS NOT CLEFAIRY'S BECAUSE IT IS A MERE 300, WHILE CLEFAIRY'S IS 323! STILL THINK YOUR "DARLING" PIKACHU'S SO GREAT?!

PttyLol: FAILFIRE!

WHAT?!

Pottylol: You spelled my name wrong on that last one.

Oh. Sorry.

Pottylol: Also what does your irrational hatred for Pikachu have to do with anything? This is a POKEDEX story!

FINE. You want Pokedex? I'll give you Pokedex. *Deep breath* PIKACHU IS EDWARD CULLEN!

…..

I DON"T CARE THAT WE SAID THIS ABOUT RATTICATE AS WELL, THAT WAS JUST A COVER-UP. PIKACHU. IS. EDWARD. CULLEN.

Need proof? The proof's right here! Pikachu's name…. is a mixture of "Sparkle" and "Squeaking."

What does Edward Cullen do? SPARKLE.

What does Bella Sawn do throughout the whole story? SQUEAK.

What does Pikachu evolve with? A THUNDERSTONE.

….That wasn't relevant, I just really felt like saying that….

I'M DONE. I've made my case, goodbye ladies, gentlemen and that creepy guy sitting at my window.

….Wait…...

**_It took many days, fifty cakes and a drawing of Gold drop-kicking a Pikachu to calm Failfire down enough to write this entry. _**

**_SO YOU BETTER BE THANKFUL!_**

* * *

**#026: Raichu Swan. **

**Description**: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS THING?! IT'S FLIPPING AWESOME! It has like a scythe on its tail so nobody tries to play jump rope with it, suckahs! And its this awesome shade of orange! *Creepy gushing noise* ASDFGHJAK In Crystal it looks really fat so obviously its better then Pikachus. You see, Raichus are SOOO powerful that they take all the food, so that's why Pikachu is no longer Fatachu.

Wait that probably made you like Pikachu more FU-

Unfortunately it peed all its weight out in the later games because WAAAAAAGHFTYURTFGUTFFTCFURTFYGDRCFGYFTYFTftyf11!11 1!1!

**Origin:** What origin? This thing doesn't exist! THAT'S RIGHT. BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ARE SOOOOO OBSESSED WITH YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE RAT THINGY THIS THING STOPPED EXISTING! HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?! HOW THE F*CK DOES THAT MAKE YOU FE-

_We are experiencing some technical difficulties, please stand by._

…

…Hey.

….How many Raichus does it take to screw in a light-blub?

…..

NONE BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXSIST ANYMO-

**Behavior:** Raichu's tend to act very depressed, kinda like Bella Swan. That's why me and Pottylol tend to call it the "Bella Swan" Pokemon. Only, it has a reason for being depressed past rain, cutlery and Edward not being at school for a whole hour.

* * *

**#27 Sandshrew.**

Description: According to the Pokedex, this is a Mouse Pokemon.

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP THAT MACHINE IS. Reason why I stabbed that kid reading the Pokedex entry out loud. It embarrasses TRUE professors like us. LET US TELL YOU THE TRUTH. This here thing is a WANNABEE SONIC Pokemon.

**Origin:** This little kid was playing a certain game involving a blue hedgehog and he got obsessed. Like TOO obsessed. We won't get into detail how he failed in life, since this is FACTS about Sandshrew.

Anyways in attempt to draw Sonic, he drew Sandshrew as an accident (he received F's in art). Then the spirits of all the gansta souls gave life to the accidental drawing cus they loved it (who wouldn't?).

Be quiet haters.

And so, in honor of the little boy, the obsession over Sonic is now found in Sandshrews.

**Behavior:** "OH DANG. LOOK AT THAT GOLDEN BALL. LET ME GO PLAY WITH IT."

That is the typical reaction of a child when they see Sandshrew curled up into a ball to act like Sonic. Then Sandshrew pops out when picked up from surprise and scratches the child, often scarring them for life (literally.) Or killing them.

7 out of 10 scars are from Sandshrew. Sandshrew never meant too. They just wanna be like a certain speedy blue hedgehog. Unfortunately, they just too slow. JUST TOO SLOW. So instead, they have formed the ultimate Sonic club underground with their digging skills. You can only get in with a secret password.

Luckily I know it because… um… science. It's the programming code of Sonic. I told you the kid was OBSESSESD.

**Warning:** Will freak out whenever they see something Sonic related. WILL FREAK OUT.

* * *

**#28 Sandslash **

**Description:** It's Sandshrew…but with SPIKES!

**Origin:** The obsessions over Sonic the Hedgehog with Spikes (yes, that's his full name) have now caused Sandshrew to grow spikes of its own by the powers of… something. Let's say Arceus since Arceus does everything.

**Behavior:** Still TOO SLOW! But their wannabeness of being Sonic has increased tenfold just because they have spikes .So they're try to roll around like Sonic, but usually they run over someone foot and cause them to break out in hives and be just as obsessed with Sonic.

Also they have pretty sharp claws. If you pull out their claws, it can be good for killing people.

Why do I know that?

… Because.

**Warnings:** Can cause you to break out into hives and be obsessed with Sonic if they run over your foot. Symptoms of being obsessed can include: turning blue, shrinking, growing a snout, becoming swaggerlicous, having increased shoe sizes, and getting a cold

Claws are also very good for stabbing and killing people. Not that I've done that before or anything. Also will spaz out when they think about Sonic. Be careful.


End file.
